


I bet on losing dogs (I know they're losing I'll pay for my place)

by sassy_ninja



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Office, Character Study, Closeted Character, Co-workers, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Forbidden Love, Growing Up Together, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Introspection, Light Angst, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Secret Relationship, Slice of Life, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29947227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassy_ninja/pseuds/sassy_ninja
Summary: At work Iwaizumi and Oikawa are nothing more than co-workers, at best they're neighbours who tend to commute to work together and definitely don't know each other particularly well. It hurts to have to hide from everyone else, but it could always be worse, at least the two of them both know just how deep their love goes. It hurts, but sometimes love has to be quiet and small, not by choice, but because that's all you can have. It can't be declarations and banners pulled across the sky by planes, instead it's almost holding someone's hand on the street and not meeting their eyes across the bar.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	I bet on losing dogs (I know they're losing I'll pay for my place)

**Author's Note:**

> helloo after like 6 months im back w another iwaoi fic :DD I meant to post this ages ago but ngl I kinda forgot abt it oops... anyways this is the next in what I've been calling my series on 'dealing w my issues via fic' and also 'what I feel like being gay is like irl'. when ur closeted in a homophobic country where there's not much of a direct threat of violence there's this crushing feeling of 'it could be worse' but this isn't really much either, of giving up so much for what feels like so little and yet in some ways those tiny moments are so worth it. even tho it's no longer lgbt history month I hope all of u guys know that we're making history just by existing every single day, double especially for all my fellow lgbt+ asians out there. stay safe, we're gonna get through this together!
> 
> the title is from Mitski's song 'I bet on losing dogs' which for me kinda encapsulates what this feels like, we might be a losing dog but at the very least we know there's someone to look us in the eyes

He hears the ‘Iwaizumi-san~’ come bouncing through the corridor, but he doesn’t quite react. Something about it just feels so off that his brain doesn’t register that it could possibly be calling for him, at least not that person in that voice.

“Hey, Earth to Iwaizumi-san,” and he blinks this time, turns and _ah_ , that’s why. Oikawa smiles at him, but a little smaller than normal, a little more contained like it’s stuffed it into its own perfectly tailored suit.

“Sorry Oikawa-san, I was just thinking about something else,” he apologises, bowing and one of Oikawa’s little office fangirls giggles from behind him, cooing over how polite he is. 

“Well, you know you could have sent someone else down here, surely someone as senior as you doesn’t need to run around like a grunt,” Oikawa says as Hajime hands him the file. He doesn’t flinch as their hands brush, he doesn’t blush either.

“My secretary is still on maternal leave, I thought it would be easier for me to just take this down two floors than try find someone else to do it,” he shrugs and Oikawa laughs, quietly and behind his hand like this is some secret joke just between the two of them.

“Of course Iwaizumi-san is so…” he starts as Hajime walks back towards the elevator, there’s a moment where he thinks Oikawa will end up saying something stupid but he just trails off with a small sad smile that no one else can see.

“See you later, Oikawa-san,” he says as the elevator doors close and he closes his eyes with them. He doesn’t open them again until he’s back at his desk and he presses his forehead to the tabletop like if he tries hard enough he’ll be able to sink down into the wood and never get up again.

Sometimes he thinks it was a mistake, the biggest mistake ever to get a job at the same company as Oikawa, he should have known that it would end up being miserable for the both of them. It’s not like they could have an adorable office romance that people could coo over and gossip about in the break room - no, they’re just two floors apart and every time they see each other Oikawa gives him that small blank smile that makes his chest ache.

“That trip downstairs was very tiring, was it?” Sachiko asks and his head shoots back up again so fast something in his neck cracks.

“No, I just – uh, stayed up too late last night,” he stutters out his excuse and she laughs from where she’s shuffling her papers at the entrance to his office.

“Young people,” she tsks fondly, “make sure you get enough sleep tonight, remember it’s our big teambuilding outing tomorrow. I heard the boss is taking us to that bar downtown, I’m sure you’ve heard of it – oh what’s the name again?”

“It was probably in an email somewhere, I’ll just follow everyone else,” he smiles and she shakes her head laughing as she goes.

Maybe it’s not too bad, he thinks, when he forgets that every time he sees his boyfriend they have to pretend they’re nothing more than neighbours who are only cordial with each other at best. They’d thought about saying they were roommates, but it’s odd for two people as highly paid as them to still have to share like that so in this fantasy world they built they're separated by walls.

At least he has Sachiko, the only lady at the office who hasn’t tried to feel up his arm muscles through his suit. She’d seen him trailing around like a lost puppy and somehow decided that she would unofficially adopt him as her office son, which means that she brings him food when she thinks he looks too skinny and tells him all the office gossip before it can get to Oikawa. And the work is not too bad either, not as mind-numbing as his last job in that dodgy accountancy firm.

The best part of the day though is always when he feels the tell-tale buzz in his pocket that tells him Oikawa is ready to go home and he starts packing his stuff away, says his goodbyes to whoever is still working and makes his way downstairs. Sometimes he has to linger a little just to the side of the office building, pretending to rummage around in his bag for a few minutes, but today Oikawa is already there, nose tucked inside his scarf to keep himself warm.

“Iwa-chan, you’re slow today,” he says as they melt away into the busy street. Walking so close together you can’t see the backs of their hands touching, fingers almost interlaced. The way they stand together is like they’re two strangers who just happen to be walking to the same train stop, pressed together by the weight of the crowd and not by anything else.

They don’t talk on the commute home, it’s too loud, too busy, too much effort when sometimes it’s enough just to feel them right next to you. On the train Oikawa always leans his entire weight onto Hajime’s back and crammed into rush hour train carriages, no one notices. He doesn’t mind it, standing strong and still for nine stops in the ebbing and flowing of the crowd. He likes it, almost, even though it makes his arm ache from holding on for the two of them. By the time they get to their stop the warmth from Oikawa’s chest has already bled through his thick winter coat and he shivers when they separate and step back outside.

“C’mon, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa chirps, “almost home.”

They walk a careful half a metre apart for the last ten minutes from the metro station to their flat just from force of habit. It feels a little too much like walking home from school again and even though this isn’t a quietly judging town in Miyagi anymore, out in the mostly empty suburban streets it still feels like here like there are people watching, waiting. It’s not safe even on the elevator up to the 7th floor, not until the front door clicks shut behind them with a cheery beep. Then and only then is it safe for Hajime to cup his cold hands around Oikawa’s cheeks and kiss him hello.

“I hate it when you call me Iwaizumi-san,” he says quietly and Oikawa looks at him, wide-eyed and for just a second, confused, before understanding clicks into place. It doesn’t feel like they can talk about it and they don’t most of the time because they both know it could be worse, it could always be worse. 

“Iwa-chan,” he says as they wash their hands together, “Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan.”

“Tooru,” he says back.

“Hajime.”

It could be worse, he thinks as Oikawa pulls him close and kisses him on the jaw, then makes his way up to his lips, because at least here in the safety of home I can have him all to myself.

* * *

It could still be worse, he reminds himself as he tries not to watch Oikawa from across the hazy bar. When he drinks his smile starts loosening alongside his tie and he leans heavy onto the table. Hajime isn’t a jealous man, no one dating Oikawa for six years could be, but there’s something sharp in his chest when he sees one of Oikawa’s work friends sling an arm around his shoulders. If only it could be so easy for them.

It could be, he thinks, it would be so easy to pretend they’re just friends and throw an arm around Oikawa’s shoulder like a friend might do, they've done it for years after all, but in some ways isn’t that worse? Wouldn’t it hurt more to have to see him every lunch and stop himself back from holding his hand?

“You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders,” Sachiko nudges him with a sharp elbow and he’s so distracted he almost spills his beer onto the floor.

“Just a lot of work, big project due next Wednesday and all that,” he tries to make it seem realistic by taking a gulp of his beer, but she sees through him with a quick narrowing of her eyes.

“So you still got no girlfriend?” she carries on prodding and he can’t help but let his gaze flicker back to Oikawa for just a split second. He takes a second big mouthful of beer whilst she laughs.

“No, uh, not since university,” which is not technically a lie. He dated a girl for a brief three weeks in first year but barely got further than kissing before even his extremely closeted brain knew this wasn’t right for him.

“You’re what, twenty-five already?” she scolds softly, “you can’t be giving the company everything you know, otherwise your whole life will have wasted away and where will you be then? In a bar with a bunch of youngsters giving a pep talk, hmm? And what a depressing life that is!”

They laugh and he forgets just for a little while about how different his life could be. He finishes his beer and drains another one before Sachiko calls it a night, she tells him very seriously that he needs to get laid and he assures her that he’ll try his best. It’s still loud after she leaves, but now there’s nothing else to distract him from looking across the room again.

Oikawa has lost his tie already (Hajime thinks he can see it hanging on the back of someone else’s chair) and his shirt has three buttons undone. There’s a bright flush across his cheeks and he’s not even fixing his hair even though it’s been ruffled out of place. It’s hard to look away from someone as pretty as him, everyone on his table has their eyes on Oikawa when he talks. It would be easy to think he’d want to stay all night, but Oikawa slumps onto the table for a moment and his eyes catch Hajime’s. He pouts, small and almost unnoticeable, but Hajime knows what it means: time to go home.

He takes his time making his way to Oikawa’s table, this is his least favourite part of the night. “Oikawa-san, I think it’s time to go,” he says quietly, putting a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. He gets a big fake pout back.

“Oh, come on, it’s so early in the night,” one of Oikawa’s ‘friends’ crows.

“Mn well I’m going home,” he shrugs like he doesn’t care, already taking a step away, “you can call your own cab then–”

“Wait no, I’ll go, I’ll go,” Oikawa wails, big and dramatic. He staggers out of his chair and almost falls into Hajime’s arms, everyone on the table laughing at his antics. Oikawa squeezes his shoulder briefly in apology before he launches into his theatrics about not forgetting his tie and suit jacket.

It feels a little like watching a play of their lives, Hajime thinks distantly as Oikawa takes his final bows and they stagger outside into the cold air, Oikawa’s arm looped around his shoulders like he’s drunk and needs someone else to hold him up. He doesn’t, but Iwaizumi reaches up to hold him in place anyways.

“You want to walk home? We could call a cab if you want,” he says and Oikawa just lets out an exhausted sigh, pressing himself as close to Iwaizumi’s side as is humanly possible.

“Let’s walk, I’m warm with you. And look, it’s the first snow of the season,” he says quietly and they stop together for just a moment to look up at the sky, a few hesitant flakes of snow fall and melt as soon as they hit the ground.

It’s quiet between the two of them in the loud bustle of Tokyo on a Friday night, just a bubble of peace in-between two staggering businessmen. Oikawa’s hands are always cold even when Hajime is holding them. ‘It’s not good for a setter to have such cold hands’, he used to say and he would always carry one or two handwarmers in the winter even when Oikawa wasn’t technically _his_ setter anymore.

“Hey, do you remember when we still had dreams?” he asks off-hand and Oikawa gives him a strange look, “as in, back in high school when we had all those big dreams, talked about going abroad, playing volleyball professionally, the Olympics.”

“You’re talking like it was so long ago, we’re not that old yet,” Oikawa scoffs, “can you imagine though? I was so close to going to Argentina,” he shakes his head, smiling, “we would’ve been so far apart though.”

And that’s it, Hajime thinks distantly about the acceptance letter he still has crammed into some corner of his childhood bedroom, the one that would have taken him across the Pacific Ocean all the way to America. He doesn’t regret it, even though he thinks maybe in another universe they might be standing on the world stage on opposite sides of the net.

“I’m glad you’re here with me,” he says and with a surge of courage he turns and kisses Oikawa on the cheek in the middle of the street. Oikawa makes a scandalised noise, but no one else seems to really care, in a big city like Tokyo sometimes everyone is stuck in their own little world.

“C’mon Iwa-chan,” Oikawa laughs, suddenly leaping forwards and dragging Hajime with him down the street until they’re running breathless down the slick pavements all the way back to their apartment building. His lungs ache and they tumble onto the floor inside, giggling in their damp clothes and noses red with cold.

“Tooru,” he laughs trying to catch his breath and Tooru grins back at him.

“What are you lying on the floor for? Don’t you want to go to the bedro–” his teasing gets cut off when Hajime somehow manages to pick him up and staggers all the way to their bed, him kicking and screaming the entire time.

“Iwa-chan,” he gasps out in-between laughter, trying to struggle out of his coat and shirt and too tight trousers that make his ass look far too fantastic for a safe work environment, “Iwa-chan, help me, don’t just stand there and laugh – _Hajime_.”

And he obliges. He wouldn’t change anything, he thinks, even with Oikawa on his back like a turtle, half of both legs in his trousers and wriggling far too much for Hajime to really be able to do anything to help. Even though they’ll have to go back to work on Monday morning and pretend they’re practically strangers, he doesn’t regret a single thing.

“Hajime, why are you standing there still in your wet coat and I'm sitting here completely naked?” Oikawa demands, glaring at hom.

No, Hajime wouldn’t trade this moment to stand on the Olympic stage, wouldn’t trade a single one of Sachiko’s biting comments or the heavy weight of Oikawa on his back on the train or even just catching Oikawa’s eyes from across the bar when neither of them are supposed to be looking. He kisses Oikawa finally, it feels like it’s been forever and he’s already being dragged further onto the bed by greedy, demanding hands, because Oikawa has always been someone who could have had everything he wanted, but instead of the whole world he chose Hajime and he will gladly give all of himself without being asked.

“Oi Iwa-chan, why’re you so spaced out today? Did you actually have too much to drink?” Oikawa frowns at him and Hajime just laughs, burying his face into the soft skin on Oikawa’s shoulder.

“No, I just love you,” he says muffled and Oikawa snorts, scratching a gentle hand through his hair.

“So, it’s going to be like that tonight,” he smiles, soft and sweet before chirping, “well if you love me so much why aren’t you sucking my dick?”

Hajime snorts in disbelief and Sachiko's advice to get laid briefly echoing through his mind before he, of course, obliges.

**Author's Note:**

> so I hope u enjoyed, if u did pls leave a comment and a kudo it rlly motivates me to write more!! and u can come shout at me on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/lesbiancourf)


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